How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize