i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
