I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
