Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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