Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
