So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
