Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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