All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
