you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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