it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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