I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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