I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
