i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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