I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
