One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
