i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she pinky promised me she was 18
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
