Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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