I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
