I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
