The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
