Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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