We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
