I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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