You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
