I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize