You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
