Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
