i don't like sucking hair
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
