I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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