The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You don't make any sense
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