Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize