So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
smell my finger.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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