oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize