You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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