so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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