I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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