I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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