the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
