Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
