my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
that's an acceptable place to lick
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
