What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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