Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize