He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
