eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
