You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
