my phone needs a breathalizer
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
