Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
