before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize