went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
