Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I want her autograph on my taint
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
be right there i have to get my cape
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
