six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
