One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize