Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize