i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
