i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
