I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize