It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
