you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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