Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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