i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
