Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Mom said you looked used
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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