I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
