Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
