If that was your dad, he is hot
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
