After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
