if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We are all done wearing pants today
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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