You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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