I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's Friday. Sex?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
