Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
