i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
